Ashes to Ashes
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Spreading my dad’s ashes has been on my mind ever since he was cremated. It’s been bothering me that he never had a grave for us to visit and that his ashes have been in a box since he died. We needed time to heal too, I am not sure I could have done it straight away, the wound was so raw!
We took a drive through to the last fishing spot that he had loved so much. It’s at a very rustic little dam called Boschkop. My two brothers joined us and we had a little braai and celebrated the man that my father was.
Just before we left I opened up the box (it has been sealed with screws) – and I sat staring at this pile of ashes that used to be my dad. It was crazy – how could a big healthy grown man be lying in this pile of ashes? Then I felt my husband’s hands on my shoulders and it reminded me that through all of this heartache and pain, I am the most amazing partner in life – he really got me through the past year.
Gary took our dad’s ashes into the water and spread them into his final resting place and even though I said that I was going to be fine the tears flowed. I felt peaceful afterwards knowing that he would have loved this, this was where he was happy.
Daigan my baby, dad would have been so proud of you, you know that. He was proud of you till the very end. I am so happy that the two of you had each other.
Protected: Daigan
Valentines Day 2012
I find people who try and dampen my spirits highly irritating. You get those that say “oh, what on earth would you be celebrating Halloween for, it’s an American holiday” – or “Valentine’s day is so commercialised!” – So what!!. I “celebrate” Halloween on occasion with my children because it’s FUN! What other occasion is there that we get to dress up in sometimes really amazing costumes?
And then there is Valentines Day. I love love love Valentines day. Probably because I spent so many years alone and unloved and just really lonely? Doesn’t mean you have to buy a lot of stuff, and spend money, but the excitement of it, I just love it!
We do dinners a lot, your dad and I, it’s the one luxury that we are a bit extravagant with -so going out to dinner with throngs of people at restaurants who have bloated their prices for the evening wasn’t my idea of fun this year. I was so excited to get to spend Valentines evening with my children. I went to woolies and bought Champagne (non alcoholic) – dessert and snacks. Off to KFC to get the main meal of the evening (yuck, not sure why I chose KFC, – probably because Daigan asked) – should have done Sushi.
It all started out well. The excitement of setting the table, putting out the non alcohol champers, the champagne glasses – sprinkling the table with marshmallows and quality street and lining up the flower shaped candles that have been lying in my cupboard for yonks.
And then the rest of the evening went downhill after that. The two little one’s were miserable little *words edited out for graphic content* – you wanted to know why we didn’t sit on the grass instead of at the patio table and Aaron, you got up and went and watched TV. Daigan you ate and went back to your room. So in the end, dad and I got to spend Valentines alone anyway 
– it’s ok – as much as I dislike you at times, I love you more. You will always be my Valentines, your dad and the three of you xxx
Grade 1 early days
My day turned out a lot better than most Mondays of late. Let me give you a background to this post.
Aaron you started Grade one this year under extreme resistance from me. I have been convinced that you are not ready. Your speech was delayed from early on and you have been going to speech therapy since the age of 3. Your Preschool teacher thought that you might be too immature for Grade one, but that because of your height they wouldn’t even consider holding you back – you would most likely be completely ostracized. So I’ve been frantic with worry that you would not cope this year.
We’ve moved you over from Nicky, to the therapist that works at the school. We had a meeting with both therapists and both agreed that in order for you to benefit most, it would be best to have your therapy done in the morning at school with as little disruption as possible.
The therapist has worked with you twice now and called me yesterday afternoon to say that while therapy was necessary, there was absolutely no reason for concern that you were not coping. She had spoken to your teacher, Mrs Jenkins, who told the therapist that you were not one of the children she was concerned about AT ALL.
You have a very very happy mom today!
Love
Mom
Daigan Grade 10
Daig’s sometimes I don’t think you realise how proud I am of you – every now and then I say it, but when I watch you walk, when I see at the amazing young man you’re turning into, I glow with such pride, it hurts.
You started at a new school on Wednesday, it was a huge change, but you took it in your stride and came home with news of new friends made, about how big the school is, how different the system is to CBC and full of excitement for the next day. You have already thrown yourself into sports, for that I am really proud too – your mom was terrible at school, I hated sports with a passion and wanted to get home to bury my nose into books as soon as I could. I was never a team player and I suffered for it later on in life, it’s so much easier if you can be part of a team.
I am so excited for this year ahead, I have no doubt that you are going to be making good friends and making relationships that might even see you through to adulthood. The subject choices you’ve made are fantastic and I see a bright future ahead for you.
Gosh my boy, I am sitting here with tears, just realising how far you and I have come together. I love you so much my angel and I hope that your year ahead at your new school is going to be full of joy, laughter, friends, happiness.
Love Mom
xxx
Starting Grade one – and a new High School
So my three babies started school this week. Aaron to Grade one for the first time. Daigan started a new high school – we have taken him out of private school for a good few reasons. And Tyla went back to her nursery school, just to a new teacher so it was a new adventure for her too.
It was a bit of a rough morning, we were all up at the crack of dawn, breakfast done, teeth brushed, school uniforms on, lunches made, bags packed, photographs done and all piled into the car. Plan of action was to take Aaron first, then Daigan and finally Tyla. We stood outside Aaron’s class and it soon became apparant that our morning was going to go belly up. Someone told us that the teacher would only open up the class at 7h45 – which meant we’d either have to leave him there on his own, or Mathew would have to leave with Daigan, we chose to do the latter. So now I am highly irritated having to miss Daigans first morning, but also not able to leave Aaron on his own. She arrived 5 minutes after the bell rang and let them into their class and immediately put Aaron in the back because of his heigh he needed a bigger desk. Not so sure that’s a great idea but I guess we’ll have to see how that pans out. I am dying to chat to the teacher at the first parents evening to see how he is doing – I am still not convinced that he is ready for big school, but that might just be me thinking that he is still my baby.
First Day pics
New Beginnings
I am sitting here tonight with red swollen eyes. Aaron I watched you playing in your play tent tonight and it hit me very hard – you’re starting Grade 1 tomorrow, it’s a whole new world out there now. Personally I don’t think you’re ready – you are immature for your age, you’re still such a baby in many ways. But, you’re so tall that the school said to keep you back would make you an outcast – that we should try Grade 1 and if necessary hold you back then. You’re not like most other little boys that I know. You’re a gentle soul, you prefer playing with the girls than the boys and you’d much rather sit and play with building blocks than run around with cars. You really are our gentle giant. My baby boy – you’ll be in my thoughts all day tomorrow as I wonder how you are getting along in your new school uniform and bag all freshly packed with stationary that has been lovingly marked by us. Shiny new school shoes and crisp white new shirt all ready to be put on tomorrow morning. It feels like just the other day that I heard your cry as you were born, it was the most beautiful sound, I knew you were ok. They handed you to me and I said oh my goodness, he looks just like Daigan.
It’s good that I am crying tonight, because then maybe tomorrow I can get away with no tears when I wave you goodbye.
Love you so much baby
Mom xxx
Words to Live by
A while ago I found this via Pinterest – I love it. I needed to share it with you. It’s the end of the week, Sunday night and work begins in earnest again tomorrow. I am feeling a tad low, not sure why – probably because the pressures of every day life will resume in full force tomorrow, and we haven’t even had a holiday. Nevertheless, if I remind myself that I don’t have to go back to a horrible office job – that makes everything just that much brighter.
Love you
Mom
xxx
Is it a bird ……………
you’ve been going to swimming lessons for the past 18 months or so – it’s gone extremely well, at swimming school you are a champ, doing everything that the instructor asks you to do. You’ve started outswimming the 3 little boys that swim with you.
But then at home, it’s been another story, you are happy to swim on the step but no further, the kreepy krawly freaks you out and I think you’ve been a bit intimidated by the boys and how loud and rough they are. Yesterday you just walked up to the pool at Stonehaven, and dived right in. So no going from step to jumping in, you just got straight to the diving.
So now that you know that you can do it – and now that you’re no longer scared of our pool, you’ve become a terror in one short day – even doing dive bombs – I need to get a pic of that tomorrow 
– you were so exhausted after the swimming you went and sat on the couch and literally passed out.
I was so incredibly proud of you today – you are still a baby, only 4 years old, but so incredibly brave and full of spirit.
Love you
Mom
xxx
